When does yes mean yes?

The English language is a marvelous instrument, where even the simplest words either need legislation action to codify their meaning or become the topic of deep-thinker navel-gazing.  And that’s just in personal relationships.  Business dealings are a different bear to wrestle.  

No tends to mean no.  Except when it means ‘not now’, which is still a no of sorts but one with the potential to change.  That sort of no rears its head with things like auditions for movies or commercials, and sometimes with resumes.  It’s directed at a person or idea that does not answer the question of the moment but holds promise for the future, i.e. “you’re not what is needed for this role/job, but I like your background and there could be something down the road that works”.   

A bit more baffling is the maybe; it can mean no but the person is too polite to actually say so, or it can a bridge to yes by implying ‘tell me more’.  The latter version of maybe is all around the sales process; you have a prospect whose business has a need for something that you offer but the specifics need to be nailed down.  You have likely heard how people hate to be sold but love to buy; this fits in the maybe category, in the section where you differentiate between process and thinking. 

While process has its place, no one likes dealing with a process-driven person.  It’s like the news interviewer who has a ready list of questions and simply moves to the next one, never listening to any of the answers.  One customer asked me, “So, do you have the answer for me?”  My response was, “I tend to ask a lot of questions and the answers have a habit of revealing themselves.”  Maybe it’s because I used to be one of those news interviewers; if you are listening to the answers, what you hear should be spawning the next question.  And the interviewee notices this, too; people can tell when you’re paying attention or when you’re waiting for them to take a breath so you can ask the next question on the list.  

Which brings us to yes, which sometimes means maybe, which as previously mentioned, can mean just about anything depending on a person’s mood, the tides, that morning’s commute, or an argument from last night that is unrelated to you.  There are times when saying yes can be a problem but that is usually confined to thinking emotionally instead of logically.  We often say yes when no would have been the better answer because we don’t want to be perceived as jerks or the person asking is someone we value or it seemed like a good idea at the time.  

In graduate school, I did a project involving a book that highlighted the importance of saying no and how saying yes too often could be counter-productive because it chewed up time better delegated toward greater priorities.  The book put a premium on thought before action, on weighing the consequences that an immediate answer would have.   The word yes became a mirror twin of one aspect of the word no, as in “Yes, that sounds interesting and I would like to, but this is a bad time.  When might be better?”  That is far less harsh than a clear-cut no, it is tempered by having seen some value in the request, but it also preserves the pecking order of things in front of you.  

Salespeople love yes, of course; it usually means the cash register is ringing.  Just be sure that yes is the answer you want to hear.   Most people are familiar with the corporate version of the 80/20 rule; the key is differentiating whether the next person saying yes to you will be among the 80% or the 20%.  Many in the 80% will be little more than break-even customers; others will actually cost you money or created unnecessary heartburn.  

So to sum up, no usually means no.  Except when it means not now.  And yes tends to mean yes.  Unless it’s a guilty yes that may later turn into a no.  And maybe means whatever you want it to mean.  All clear?